Communication

July 24, 2009 ironbridejulia

One of the most important aspects to my relationship with anyone but most importantly my fiancé is COMMUNICATION. Communication is extremely important and a facet that should be constantly worked on. An important point to remember when defining “good communication” in a solid relationship is that “winning” an argument is not the goal, but having both people feel listened to, accepted and understood. Although what was just said is easier said than done I have to try and remember that my fiancé is not against me but he is for me. I believe that I am sometimes so defensive that disagreements go on longer because I am trying to defend myself instead of listening to what my fiancé is saying to me. As you may be able to tell communication IS something Marlon and I are continuously working on and thank God we are improving every day.
I feel that sometimes lots of people spend their time defending themselves instead of listening, accepting, and understanding one another. While google-ing “strategies for communication” I found 10 strategies or guidelines that could be used for couples to improve their communication in their relationships. Below you will see what I found…

10 rules to help improve communication:

I. Listen to the emotions behind your partner’s words. Being right isn’t as important as being understood.

II. Focus on what your partner is saying rather than thinking up an answer or rebuttal.

III. Look at the person who is talking to you. Many people don’t feel listened to unless they are being looked at.

IV. Use the word “I” rather that the word “you.” People tend to hear “you” in a sentence as an accusation, such as “You are yelling at me.” Compare that with “I feel yelled at,” and the speaker takes ownership for the feeling and does not come across as attacking.

V. When you need to discuss a difficult issue, be sensitive to choosing an appropriate time for the conversation.

VI. State things simply and ask your partner if more detail is needed.

VII. The real meaning of every communication is how it is heard and perceived, not how it is intended.

VIII. Notice your partner’s reactions – the withdrawal/attack/glassy-eyed responses.

IX. Ask questions to learn and understand more about what your partner is saying. Be curious about what is important to your partner.

X. Be attentive to your partner’s response. Notice if you are giving too much detail. For example, if you are a detail person but your partner is not responding, then you can either ask for feedback and involvement or limit the conversation. People can be turned off if they feel like they are being talked at or the conversation is going on for too long.

Of course there are many great rules to communication but I found these rules provide an awesome starting point or in another view an awesome point to continue working from. As you can imagine reading these guidelines are making me evaluate myself and I am taking note of where I can be a better communicator and how to be a better listener. I believe having a happy healthy relationship means we are communicating clearly.

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